(via neon-vagina)
at my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal that i am not inside. instead, they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the background.
nevermind, my mom says i can’t do that.
Men Experiencing Labor Pains
With their wives supporting them.
HAHAHHAHAHA TOO GOOD
I bet a kick in the balls would feel real good right about then.
“Men can handle anything”
“Women exaggerate everything”
And then they realized just how wrong they were
The best part about this?
1. They only did this for 1-2 hours, far, far shorter than the average labour.
2. They also didn’t have to deal with the other effects of squeezing a watermelon out of a small hole (eg tearing etc)
3. When asked, some of the nurses and people who work with this equipment think this is nowhere near as painful as a real birth.
(via milla432)
| (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.) | |
| Me: | “So, where’s your mom at?” |
| Boy: | “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?” |
| Me: | “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.” |
| Boy: | “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!” |
| (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!) |
Why is anxiety a thing: the book
chapter one
“Why can’t I do simple things without feeling like I’m gonna puke”
chapter two
“This seriously isn’t that hard why am I crying”
chapter three
“I’m not lazy I’m just scared of failing”Chapter four
“I’m anxious cause I keep messing up and I keep messing up cause I’m anxious”
Chapter five
“Talking to strangers on the phone more like sweating blood”
(via olly-murmaid)
(via peegeeotto03)
Oh well thank you:)
(via pantsareunwelcome)
(via loveemariee-)
iamjacks-completelack-ofsurprise:
Will Smith embarrassing Jaden has got to be one of my all time favorite things
(via loveemariee-)
(via thepersuasionofanazn)
(via myasianskinnyjeans)
Stefon’s Wedding |x| SNL 18/5/2013
German Smurfs, Gizblow the coked up Gremlin, Human Fire Extinguishers, Ben Affleck and is that Ryan Seacrest? No it’s a drowned albino who looks like Axl Rose.
I’m going to miss Bill Hader.
(via unsuccessfulmetalbenders)
(via loveemariee-)
